Hey man I’ve got what you need
And have you ever wanted something so badly
That it possessed your body and your soul
Through the night and through the day
Until you finally get it
And then you realise
That it wasn’t what you wanted after all
(The The, True Happiness This Way Lies)
Britain is suffering from some severe beer fear. After a two month-long night out of supping pints with your friends Nigel and Boris, the reality is starting to hit. What if all those things that they told me aren’t true? I bet that those bastards just wanted me to put my cross in their box and now I have they’re not interested in me anymore. That £350 million isn’t going to be given to the hospitals is it? Those nasty foreigners aren’t to blame for all my problems, are they?
The British public are now demonstrating levels of stupidity that even I thought they couldn’t reach. People who voted to leave are now upset that this means that we are going to leave. Who would have thought that? The outrage! Just today at the estate agents a woman was asking “do you think that they’ll let us vote again, because we’re only finding out what it means now”. How the hell did these people decide on which way to vote? Coin toss? Eenie meenie miney mo? Walk into the polling booth, panic and just choose anything? Presumably the same people complaining about the repercussions only becoming apparent now are those that were complaining about to many experts in the run up to the referendum.
It’s not just the ignorant masses wondering what the hell they did last night. Boris, perhaps the most aptly named politician there is, had the look of a man who, after bull-shitting his way through the interview process, has been offered the job and is now in panic mode, because the leave campaign pretty much promised that all our problems will disappear if we leave Europe. There’s going to be a lot of pissed of people out there when that doesn’t happen and they’re going to come for you Boris. In fact, the only people who aren’t going to be pissed are those who were stupid enough to believe that the entire population of Turkey was going to up sticks en mass and move to Britain.
The truly depressing thing about this is not that we voted leave (the EU does need reforming, although not by Boris and Farage), but the reasons for voting leave. It appears to be in the large as a result of an unhealthy mixture of ignorance and xenophobia. But as that gyrating geriatric Jagger once sang, you can’t always get what you want, but you might just get what you need. Perhaps the chaos and pain of a Boris led Brexit is the only way that we’ll learn. It’s for your own good!