Could this be an arm around my waist?
Well, surely the hand contains a knife?
Morrissey – I’m OK by Myself
For some time now, an occurrence in the corporate world has been troubling me. The rise of zero hour contracts? No! Increasing job insecurity? No! The erosion of the powerbase of the unions leading to the increasing exploitation of workers? Well, it is a concern, but No! It’s the stupidity of suiting up yet siphoning the tie.
Why go to the trouble of smartening yourself up only do undo all your good work by failing to fasten your collar and do your tie. It is the equivalent of the palace guard without his stupid big hat, a jockey without his whip, an aristocrat without his monocle. Or to put in another way, all fur coat and no pants.
I first noticed this peculiar phenomenon when Roman Abramovich and Jose Mourinho adopted this style when Chelsea was conquering the country circa 2004. A few deluded management types literally followed suit. You could see it playing out in their heads, imagining themselves as a suave, sophisticated supervisor or a billionaire boss: “if we deploy Jane from accounts and Steve from marketing as inverted wingers with me spear heading the attack, we’ll really outperform our sales targets”.
If this fashion faux pas was just a case of comfort or trend setting, I could let it go. But as ever in the bullshit world of business, there is a sinister ulterior motive. Apparently, not wearing a tie makes one more ‘approachable’. So this two bit no tie theory is now being taught at every managerial brainwashing camp, hence the exponential spread of the open collared cult. Why would management want to be more approachable? Is it because they want to be your friend? No! It’s so that as you’re drawn in for an embrace by that comforting open collar, you feel the thrust of your P45 knifed into your back. And as you fall to the floor, there’s no tie to cling onto to break your fall.