The concept restaurant is a fiendishly difficult business to run given the fickle notion of foodie fads. Today its ice cream, tomorrow it’s gelato, leaving Mr Whippy a whimpering mess, much like anyone that’s tried to eat his product. But in these tumultuous times for the restaurant business I am your savoury-er.
Here are 6 concept restaurants that simply can’t fail as unlike London hipster joint Cereal Killer, which has a niche target audience of those that have murdered more than 1 human being, these eateries each target not only a unique but also a growing demographic. So pukka up and kiss my ass Jamie’s Italian, here is the future of food:
La Dolce Ryvita
Have you enjoyed a little too much of the good life? Is it starting to show in the form of your bloated body? Well ‘La Dolce Ryvita’ is the concept restaurant for you.
Serving nothing but that staple of those seeking to slim, Ryvita (which is surely a slimming food because even those with the most insatiable of appetites can only chew a limited amount of these corrugated cardboard crackers), topped with a selection of spreads. Feed your decadent tastes with cream cheese. Satisfy your sweet tooth with nutella. La Dolce Ryvita will transform you from fat to merely chubby in no time.
Nothing generates hype like exclusivity. Enter Gyros Day, the concept restaurant that ‘signs on’ for business once every 2 weeks on a Thursday.
Gyros can be exchanged directly for your benefit cheque (otherwise known as a GiroFood has high calorie to cost ratio making it the food of choice for the financially constrained. The business is unique in performing even better during a recession.
Rice Rice Baby
Is that blue sky thinking turning decidedly grey? Has your base remained untouched for some time now? Are your thoughts trapped within the box?
Time for you to take your executive team to Rice Rice Baby, the ideal setting to escape the office so that you high performing professionals can stop, collaborate and listen. A variety of rice dishes provide the carbs to fuel those creative corporate minds. The only thing on your radar will be a cascade of creativity. If there was a problem, Yo you’ll solve it at the only place for business lunches and corporate away days.
If shows such as Love Island have taught us anything it is that being a love rat is this generations 40 years of unhappy marriage founded on a bed rock of mutual loathing. Aimed at the growth market of discrete infidelity is a new concept restaurant named Smoothie Operator.
Bring your fellow love rat for a delicious smoothie. Low in calories to get that toned torso to cheat on and high in vitamins to give you the stamina that you desire. The sound of blenders has the bonus of blocking out all those bull shit lines breathed into your ear. A business that is set to grow in line with population – the more people there are, the more cheats there are.
Feta the devil you know
Smoothie Operator isn’t for everyone. Perhaps you’re in an unhappy relationship but have grown comfortable with the mutual loathing that you and your life partner hold for each other? Maybe you hate your friends but are unlikely to make any others because you’re a bit of a cunt too? Are you sick of your job but shitting it at the thought of growing the balls to find a new one. Here’s the concept restaurant for you: Feta the devil you know.
Feta cheese is included in all dishes to provide that smooth tasting comforting sensation that you crave with that bitter aftertaste that life in general has left you with.
Mutton dressed as RAM
Are your friends more virtual than reality? Are Siri and Alexa the only women in your life? Fear not, here’s the concept restaurant for you: Mutton dressed as RAM.
A unique concept restaurant boasting superfast wifi & ample USB charging points so that you can keep your laptop, tablet, mobile phone and tamagotchi all as highly charged as that twitter debate. Tables seat no more than 1 person to accommodate that lack of actual human relationship without the awkwardness of empty seats/
So that you can give your tech the attention it deserves no food is actually served which has the added bonus of ensuring that you still look svelte on that instagram selfie. #delicious
There you have it, casual dining is saved. Invest now and thank me later.